this mountain.

“in exodus chapter 24, God says to moses, “moses, come up on the mountain and stay here”. and the rabbis point out, the literal translation the word ‘stay’ means ‘to be’. literally, the command reads, “moses, come up on the mountain and then when you get on top of the mountain, be on top of the mountain”. which is kinda like something from the school of redundancy school.

“i get it. if i’m on top of the mountain, then i’m on top of the mountain. that’s where i am.”

and the rabbis say, “o no no no. this command was brilliant”. see God understands human nature. God understands that moses will spend all sorts of energy getting up to the top of the mountain and when he gets to the top of the mountain he will immediately begin thinking and planning how he’s going to get down. and in the process, he won’t ever be fully present on top of the mountain. and he’ll miss it.”
– “everything is spiritual”, rob bell.

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i have no idea how i am going to pay for this trip. will i come back in may? june? where will i live? what the heck am i going to do for work? what if i end up spending way too much and not getting out of debt till i’m 40. maybe i should be doing something with my diploma…this food costs too much, man, i should have budgeted better. shoot. i don’t have any money or any plan.

God took moses up on the mountain to just be. that’s it. i could think and plan for the time after this, how i am going to live after this. how am i going to get down?

but then maybe the sun wouldn’t look as bright. or the air wouldn’t feel as fresh. or laughter seem as loud. because during those moments i was thinking about the future and it robbed a little bit of the glow, a little bit of the happiness that could only be found in that moment.

i want to be fully present on top of this mountain that he has me on, like God wanted moses to be. i don’t want to miss this. i can’t miss this.

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