“it’s gonna be fine. your whole life, it’s gonna be fine.”
it’s a random quote from a movie i wouldn’t expect to hand me reassurance…wedding crashers.
i’ve pulled the clip up a few times in the past couple weeks to help me see past whatever has fogged my glasses up at the time.
i moved to vancouver.
and i just…i wouldn’t even know where to begin, what door to let you into, so that you could witness all the plunges and cracks that have been my company since tuesday morning. the sheer number of them makes me feel a little bit insane.
ok, very insane.
in the big ways and in the miniscule ways, one of those great life lessons has already been furiously pulling on my sleeve.
and it has to do with bootstraps.
and pulling them up.
the things i want in life aren’t going to be initiated by someone else. the things i’m desirous of aren’t going to be dreamt up by someone else. the van with the surf rack i want to take off in isn’t going to be bought by someone else or driven by someone else or journeyed in by someone else…unless someone else had the balls to do it and i didn’t.
if i want something i only have to look down,
and yes, everything is a lot. and it is overwhelming. and it just feels like too much all at once. and i’ve felt like retiring into my bed before it even begins sometimes. hello, welcome to my week.
but i want too many things from life. and this, however many years i have, is my only chance to have them.